Just Can't Handle Money

Rick Stacy was a young up and coming business owner in 2004 and 2005. He made more money than he could ever have imagined. Graduated high school, married his sweetheart and started a family.

Buying the house off Six Forks was a dream for a young man his age, barely in his 20s at that time. He thought it a bargain, paying around $400,000. He was working with an investor to do home improvements and flipping homes on the side.

He just couldn’t handle money. And now he's being sued by a lot of people who paid him up front, and for whom he never completed the work.

He would take his young wife on lavish out of town trips. Even she cautioned him against his wild spending ways. He admitted that if he had saved more he could have gotten further ahead.

So one day the bright idea took hold. To put his house in his chief investor’s name, while he, Rick, would make the monthly mortgage payments. The moment he was late, the lender would call the new owner, who would call Rick and give him hell. And Rick would say yes, I’m paying it today.

Then things started to fall apart. When I last talked with him around that time he had just been released from jail. Just months after the birth of his second child.

Rick doted on his growing family. They will always be his first responsibility.

Who knows what kind of machinations are going on now with his house. Maybe he made a sizeable down payment. Put money in a trust to pay it monthly while he straightened things out. Certainly the person(s) holding the title and the mortgage will not get back the sizeable loan at this point. Not an appraiser in North Carolina can show it at the value they’d need.

Despite the huge problems he's facing now, it's likely that he's kept his young family safe from the financial ruin. If the most he has to do is pay restitution, then he'll survive. Because for the creativity he has and the people he knows, he can start all over again.

As long as someone else handles his money.

Look Ma! No Draws!

I noticed several things out of the ordinary on Tuesday at the Crabtree Valley Mall. The mall has changed a lot. I hadn't been shopping in so long that I had forgotten how to get to the Food Court where I was to meet my lunch date.

So I was 10 minutes late because I walked nearly a mile from my parking space.

First it was the usual enchantment of the variety of people. Coming, going, shopping, eating. And then on my long walk back to my car it dawned on me:

No draws! I hadn’t seen a young guy wearing low hanging pants that exposed his underwear!

Even later, coasting down Glascock Street off Raleigh Boulevard in East Raleigh, the picture was still clear. Every young brother that I happened upon was dressed decently. One guy and girl were holding hands. He was a fairly large fellow without his shirt tucked in, but at least his undergarments were not showing!

Somebody’s been talking. Somebody’s been preaching. And somebody's been listening. Because personal pride has regained its rightful perch.

Once having dinner in a West Raleigh restaurant, a minister who accompanied me noted that our server was wearing low hung pants, showing his underwear. After ordering she pointed out to him, ever so carefully, that he was not doing himself a favor by exposing his undergarments to the world. That it definitely would impact his tips and signal to other diners that he was just another fella from the 'hood. She further explained that as the mother of a teenage son, that she would appreciate him respecting himself to dress more appropriately.

Later when he brought out our meal, his pants were pulled up. Oh, the courtesy of the right words! She left him a hefty tip for added encouragement.

My mom used to say, ‘it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it’. And the message seems to be out loud and clear. Our young people want respect, just as much as us oldsters.

So if you run across someone who hasn’t got the memo, care enough to tell him in a kind, caring way, that a young man "showing his draws" is no longer cool.

One Parent's Lament

"I'm trying to do it all yes, however, between trying to obtain more clients, the kids, hubby's cancer and him being so worn out all the time, my dad and deaf brother (since mom died) its just really hard to even have time to go pee much less have energy to do much besides sleep on some days! LOL

"My hat goes off to the women who can do it all, however, it’s at a price.

"My daughter's friends hang out here a lot. I prefer that so at least I know who she is hanging around with and what they are up to. Plus, it keeps those kids off the streets as well. They all state one thing: they feel invisible and always have because both parents work.

"When not working the parents are always too busy with errands, chores and social engagements of their own or are just too grouchy to approach with anything. I think, 'what if those kids didn't have here to hang out'? It wouldn't be very safe and a couple of them would more than likely have turned to drugs/gangs by now. Gangs thrive on kids who don't feel loved.

"I have a friend who worked all the time, then would claim how busy her social calendar was...(she and her hubby belonged to all the best clubs etc). When their daughter ended up on drugs and pregnant by 16 years old, my girlfriend looked at me all wide eyed and asked how it happened?

"Well DUH! She wasn't setting priorities right and paying attention to what/who she should have been...and when parents don’t, there are many predatory people out there who will.

"Sorry for the rambling! I haven't changed in that I still tend to do that!

"Thanks for writing me!! I LOVE hearing from you!" Debra

Again, How Do You Fire a Contract?

I can look beyond the emotional reasons of why Mary Easley is being treated so badly with no one coming to her defense. Apparently ridiculing her is necessary for some guys to regain their stature. And credibility.

It’s easy for me to continue my attempt to ensure fairness for the former first lady, because I know the difference between right, wrong and the best weapon next to truth that we have: the law.

Since high school (either in Consumer Economics or DECA (Distributive Education Clubs of America) I’ve known that a contract is, at minimum, an agreement between two parties. Two (or more parties determine the content, agree to perform and sign documents on behalf of whomever they represent. In this instance, former Chancellor James Oblinger signed on behalf of North Carolina State University.

And that's the first thing that will be determined in Wake Superior Court, if it gets that far.

I wonder how the University of North Carolina can have 2 or more law schools without knowing how to proceed on such a complicated matter. In front of the media, as opposed to a discussion in person, it was reported that the NC State Board of Trustees fired Mrs. Easley on June 8.

The whole thing smells bad. But then, so has hiring in the State of North Carolina for some time. We all know that it’s based upon the appearance of wrongdoing by her husband, former Governor Mike Easley, that she has been fired. Were the media and others not so callous towards her, she could be in line to be a college chancellor. Goodness knows the newly arrived Campbell Law School would have found a way to utilize her tremendous strengths!

I don't think we can assume that Mrs. Easley hasn't had many sleepless nights. It's hard enough to have one enemy, but to have angered so many people because she learned, taught and negotiated a contract in her best interest must seem strange. Isn't it done all the time when we negotiate buying a car?

So, with all the documents (mostly emails) shown so far, the question remains: What does the contract say?

Half Truths and the News

What can we trust on television news? Eye witness accounts may be accurate or sensationalized. ‘Un-named sources’ have provided the basis for more than we want to believe. The newest one is that the person is an un-named source who can't go on camera because he or she, “is not authorized to speak” which buys the journalist a little more time until a better source is found. Or that we forget.

Shameful when it’s found untrue as well.

I miss the old news. Even as a newsmaker on both sides of the camera in the 80s there seemed to be fewer ‘unnamed sources’. Or you could trust the words of a veteran journalist who always could justify their words and hadn’t let you down before.

Now with more news accounts of entertainer Michael Jackson’s last days, you see how much some media depend on each other's ‘news’.

The doctor was there. The doctor wasn’t there. No one was there.

It's never too early for journalists to review themselves and each other. One says that the ‘family is considering a second autopsy’. Another ‘family is considering asking for a second autopsy'. Another that a second autopsy has been completed. All within an hour. Maybe the confusion is over recycled 'news'.

It was claimed that Jackson's physician had not talked to the family. Now he has an attorney who says that he rode the ambulance to the hospital and even prepared medical personnel for how to break the news to Mrs. Jackson, Michael's mom, because of her heart condition. And that he talked with social workers on how best to break news of his death to the children.

Then the bevy of pathologists trying to string together all of the possibilities of what has caused Jackson’s untimely death.

What will happen to the Jackson children? This one has rights. That one may have limited rights. He may/may not have been the biological parent of two of them.

In the coming months one thing is certain. Millions will likely be expended as some fight for guardianship for the good of the children. Others, possibly fighting for the good of the children and the estate that’s contained.

For sure, the children will come to know just how much their father was disappointed by the media. They’ll know first hand.

Why can’t we all just slow down and wait for the truth? Because sensationalism sells.

When Daddy's Name is Evil

By now its known that Frank Lombard, a Duke employee, has been jailed for trying to sell his 5 year old male child for sexual services. A witness claims seeing Lombard performing sex acts on an African American child on the Internet. Webcam. Truly sickening.

It's alleged that Lombard suggests that this child wouldn't matter, because he wasn't the biological parent. One must wonder how he slipped through the cracks and was accepted as a parent.

Two children living in his home have been removed. Likely they are confused by the circumstances.

Hopefully the Durham district attorney and guardian ad litem will find just the right attorney to represent these innocent children. Lombard’s actions are despicable. We cannot imagine the extent of the harm that he has caused.

We know for sure that one child was adopted. The other is unclear. For now they are in an undisclosed location, probably scared to death. Away from their familiar life, their toys, their belongings and the parents they've come to know.

Who can imagine the nightmares? While Lombard claims to have drugged one, if not both, with Benadryl, any victim knows when something is wrong. More tragic is that they couldn’t verbalize it. Or maybe Lombard himself, the perpetrator, dried their tears. Social workers, teachers and pediatricians will be interviewed. Were there red flags? How were they explained?

Now, likely in foster care, we can only pray that they won’t be victimized again.

We try to pretend that racism doesn’t exist and that no adult would do such horrible things to a child. It’s easier to be in denial than face such an ugly truth.

In my heart, I know that children are victimized everywhere. Even in Wake County. Whether it’s a parent’s boyfriend, uncle, or a custodial parent. Like Frank Lombard.

Only a really good attorney will see to it that these children receive justice. Perhaps an attorney from outside of Durham County, who won't be charmed by local officials who also may bear some responsibility.

A tough attorney who will also help find these children a good home far away from here. With a future secured with millions, from the deepest pockets possible.

A settlement outside of court may spare the children some agony, but not the nightmares. More children will continue to be victimized and voiceless until adults, who sense something wrong, will step forward and ask the really tough questions. (photo courtesy of www.wral.com)

Our Everchanging Moral Code

Many have been asking recently, “is everybody cheating on their spouse or is it just easier to find out?”

I don’t know. But from the look of things during the past couple of years, there seems to be admiration for the absence of a strong moral code.

Even those who relentlessly pursue the activities of others do so without ‘sweeping around their own front door’ before talking about someone else’s.

It’s so easy to dump on South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford now. But comment after comment seems less critical about the act of cheating with another woman. It’s been the hypocrisy.

No matter what anyone else does (and the media delights in telling us), our own personal code of morals and ethics is what matters the most. The words of my elders were: ‘if you’ll lie, you’ll cheat. If you’ll cheat, you’ll steal.” That one display of poor behavior will ultimately lead to others.

Like I said, I don’t care about the travails of Mark Sanford. I just hate that he seems to want all of us to understand him. His bewailing into millions of households seem less to be about his cheating and more about 'him' being wronged. That it took 5 days for him to break off an affair.

Not once did he make the high point of his blubbering about saving his family. Or that he loves his wife and that this was just a fling. The steamy emails to his lover prove that family responsibility wasn’t near his radar.

Which makes it less about cheating. But more about someone who seems to have been raised believing that he can have whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

So what if he steps down as Governor? He still doesn't seem to get it. Besides, by remaining for now he commands the spotlight, like a child crying for attention.

Sad. But if he steps down I fully expect him to land on his feet. Perhaps hiding in a church or starting his own ministry. Seemingly the basis will be about forgiveness.

Which still makes it all about him.